Last Updated on Sunday, 20 October 2013 23:25
The secret motivation of Alfred Pennyworth
Before I get any hate mail from die-hard Batman fanboys, let me just say that by no means do I consider myself an expert. I’ve been reading comics since elementary school, and I watch a lot of movies (this includes every Batman-related movie and even the lesser-known serials from the 1940s). It is not my intention to bastardize the noble mythology of Batman, but when you have a lot of free time and you think a lot about this stuff these theories naturally come to mind. That being said, my argument is simple: Alfred Pennyworth is Batman’s real father. I know that may be a lot for you to swallow at first, but hear me out. What kind of butler would go to all those crazy lengths to help his employer break laws? Definitely not a normal one. No one would go through those tasks, unless he were related to Bruce. Like a father.
I mean, think about his origin story: The two richest people in Gotham are gunned down in a place called “Crime Alley.” Why would they walk home if they had dozens of cars at their disposal? My reasoning: it was a plot between Alfred and Martha Wayne.
Thomas Wayne was a well-known surgeon, billionaire and philanthropist. He had a lot of stuff on his plate. So, I assume that he wasn’t always there to please his wife. Martha Wayne, feeling unloved and neglected focused her attention on the new handsome British butler they hired. First, Martha starts small conversations, then they form a friendship, and eventually they have a romantic relationship. One day, Alfred puts his “peenus” into Martha’s “vajine” (I recently found out this is how babies are made), and nine months later, Bruce slides out.
Thomas Wayne is enthralled by his new baby boy and starts spending more time at home. Alfred becomes jealous and finds a way to keep Martha and Bruce for himself. After a few years of planning, he has his plot ready. He hires a gunman to kill Thomas Wayne after leaving the opera. Martha agrees, which is why they decide to walk home that night instead of taking the car. The gunman messes up the directions given to him by Alfred and kills both of Bruce’s parents.
Alfred, devastated by his mistake, can’t work up the courage to tell Bruce the truth. Instead, he lets Bruce live with anger. Later, when Alfred sees that Bruce wants to become Batman in order to prevent travesties like the one that happened to him, he encourages him because he sees that Bruce can help avenge the death of the woman he loved.
Look, I know this theory is rough around the edges, but it’s not completely implausible.
Alfred is a sick, twisted individual. He is extremely jealous. Have you seen the way he talks about Robin? He always tells Bruce not to take Master Grayson along. You know why? Because Alfred doesn’t want to see his unacknowledged son love another person like the way that Alfred loves Bruce.
In conclusion, I believe that the case can be made for Bruce’s true father. I just can’t wrap my head around the idea of a butler doing that much for his employer without having any familial ties. All the other things about the Batman series I can believe, but a loyal butler is not one of them.