Michael Wood & Roque Renteria
Your idols are just as fucked up as you are
There are seven billion people on this planet, and most of them aren’t worth the physical matter that goes into a functioning human body. But for some strange reason, people in power will have you believe that some people are more important than others. Athletes, musicians, leaders, activists, Andy Warhol-most of them are absolutely worthless and contribute no more to society than the average basement dweller.
Take Lance Armstrong, for example. Ever since I was a wee lad, people told me I should look up to the man with one testicle. After numerous Tour De France wins and millions of overpriced yellow rubber bracelets, the man was ingrained in our collective consciousness as a national hero. However, as is all too common with heroes, we found a disturbing fact that precipitated his fall from grace. He was juicin’! Just like Barry Bonds, Mark McGuire, and OJ “The Juice” Simpson, Lance Armstrong gleefully shoved needles full of performance enhancing drugs into his cancer-stricken body.
I also can’t stand musicians. Don’t get me wrong, I love music, but there is nothing worse than an arrogant rockstar or rapper. I wanna bring up Axl Rose. Besides being an annoying crybaby, seriously, if you’re listening to Guns n’ Roses in 2013, you’re so 2000 and late. And let us not forget Kanye West, the modern day music messiah and meme master. What in the hell does a picture of Spongebob with “Jimmy Kimmel face” superimposed on it mean anyway? So many people show loyalty to celebrities who are downright loony and that, quite honestly, concerns me. Immaturity and temper tantrums shouldn’t be lauded. That shit ain’t trill.
There’s a lesson to be learned in all of this. Our heroes are just as fucked up, morally ambiguous, and just as full of bullshit as the rest of us. Like Bob Dylan said, “Don’t follow leaders-watch your parking meters.” Speaking of leaders, fuck the political leaders we’re taught to adore. If you’re a Republican, you’re probably in love the B-movie demagogue we endured by the name of Reagan. Besides his absolutely horrendous wars in Central America, killing nuns and all of that, his economic policy ended up precipitating the crash of 2008. Thanks Reagan! Thanks deregulation! But wait, you Democrats aren’t off the hook. I see you guys talking about your new “New Deal” and shit like that. Let me remind you, FDR was the man who forcefully locked up Japanese people in internment camps. You can’t talk about the struggle of the working man without bringing up Fred Korematsu!
Point being, anyone who desires celebrity is obviously a fucked up individual. Anyone who needs to spread their influence that much doesn’t have anything to say, and anyone who seeks great power does not have your best interests at heart. Be grateful that most people don’t stab you on their way to work. People have it rough out there; the daily grind is absolutely killing them. The most heroic people are the ones who go unnoticed. I mean, a lot of times, simply surviving and being a good person through it all is worthy of commendation.