OPINIONS

NICE GUY PROBLEMS

April 11 2013
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By John Villanueva
A HATE LETTER TO ALL OF THOSE MISOGYNISTS IN FUNNY HATS
There are many things that I can’t stand. When white people say swerve. The plastic casing they put on scissors that you need scissors to open. Fourteen year olds who pick up The God Delusion and automatically become expert atheists. However, none are more reprehensible than the one thing that has been on my mind, the nice guy.

The nice guy has sprung into popular culture as of late, carving a fedora shaped niche for its adherents to wallow and act like bitches. The nice guy, for those who are lucky enough to be unfamiliar with the term, are the other guys. The guy who wasn’t lucky enough to score with the girl of his dreams. Instead, he tags along, playing pathetic puppy to his oblivious friend, except they’re not really friends. In her mind they might be, but he only has one thing on his mind, the sexual conquest of his “friend” being the only thin line between them. That’s why these guys are full of shit.

To make use of such a subtle and sad form of manipulation to fulfill sexual needs is not only pathetic, but disgusting. Passive aggressive behavior is not at all sexy, and making use of it in the hopes that it will be makes you a loser. What I’m saying may be a bit harsh, but I’m not pulling any punches. These “nice guys” are losers. They slither through life, embodying an unwarranted self righteousness that they try to complete through conniving. Also, why do all of these nice guys look the same? The nice guys seem to follow the same dress code, with oversized flashy button ups and fedoras serving as the sartorial go-to for these cretins. Maybe a better wardrobe would help you score with women. A better, well tailored wardrobe and a backbone will do wonders for both your courting abilities and self-esteem.

Here’s what I have to say. If you like a girl, gather some goddamn courage and tell her. Immediately. Don’t try to sneak into her friend circle. Don’t make suggestive remarks hoping that she will catch on. Tell her straight up, “Hey I have feelings for you.” If she accepts, good for you. If she doesn’t, move on. Don’t trail behind, hoping that one day she will change her mind and realize how completely perfect you are for her.

Above all, don’t harbor any resentment towards the girl who failed to receive your attempt. It’s not her fault that she doesn’t have feelings for you. If you can’t handle the thought of not being in a relationship with her, cut it off. The both of you will be in a much better place without you being a whiny passive aggressive bitch.
 

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