MUSIC

SHIT.

February 18 2013
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By Christy Bonham
05funWHERE FUN. COMES TO DIE
Illustration by Rose Feduk

“What’s so awful about Fun?” you ask ironically, because you are beyond annoyed at that insipid “Carry On” song stuck in your head. Not that you need any convincing, but I will enumerate the band’s flaws, shortcomings and lameness just to commiserate with you. See, you are not alone or floating like a stone c— Gah! Those bastards.

1. Genre tainting
We can all agree that Fun is clearly pop music. Simple, upbeat, and catchy in that incredibly annoying way. So why are they being played on alternative rock radio? Why does iTunes label them ‘alternative’? Does the band actually think they are alternative? !ey are in your face on every radio station, late night TV shows, Rolling Stone (please don’t give them a cover), NPR, and they’ve even won two Grammy awards! This obvious mass appeal does not belong in the alternative genre. It just doesn’t. Also, why don’t I notice any guitar solos or guitars in general? Ballads don’t count as alternative rock. Saccharine, sappy messages have no place in alternative rock either. Feel free to add on to this list.

2. Uh, what did he say?
The song “We Are Young” seemed innocuous enough in content, at first. Once I actually paid attention to the lyrics though, it was clear to me the singer mentions physical abuse towards a lover. “My seat’s been taken by some sunglasses asking ‘bout a scar and I know I gave it to you months ago.” Wha—? Is it an emotional scar? It doesn’t sound like it. Great. Now this band is crooning about an abusive dude and how we should all feel so sorry for him and—Oh! He’s so sweet! He’s gonna carry the girl home to show her just how sorry he is! Aw! See, he’s okay after all. Yeah, no. I’m not buying it. Intimate partner violence is kind of a huge problem. Where’s the song detailing the abuser’s months of psychotherapy and treatment to overcome his violent tendencies? Maybe then I’d like this band. No, I’m just kidding. I’d still hate them.

3. Just look at ‘em
Ewww. Look at their picture. They look so smug. Do this exercise—look at the band’s picture and think about how they sympathize with Chris Brown (at least in lyrical content). Yeah. They’re gross, right?

4. Punctuation
Their name isn’t “Fun” it’s “Fun.” What gives? This is a rhetorical question. No matter what the answer, I will never be able to end sentences with the carefree whimsy I once did.
Last Updated on Monday, 18 February 2013 14:02
 

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