REVIEWS OF AN UNMARKED CD GRAB-BAG FROM FINGERPRINTS
If you’re someone that likes to buy grab bags, you either enjoy disappointment or live on the edge. Both of those things just happen to apply to me. So when I found myself in Fingerprints on 4th Street holding a wrapped package of ten CDs that I could possibly purchase for five dollars, I decided that I didn’t need to eat dinner that night and I bought that sucker. Some of them were surprising, some unsurprisingly bad and some were just plain forgettable. As the four CDs that were cut left no mystery to why Fingerprints was trying to get rid of them, here are the six CDs that were the best of the bunch. Also the grab bags come with stickers. Neato!Charlie's Angels Soundtrack
If you were ever going to actually buy this CD, I’m guessing that you would get it for the first track, Destiny’s Child’s “Independent Women Part 1” and unless you want to listen to more forgotten hits from the ‘70s through the ‘90s (really forgotten, I mean, who is Caviar and what’s a “Tangerine Speedo” anyway?) that’s about as much mileage as you’re going to get out of this album. But if you really want to fucking push the tempo, you could probably listen to Fatboy Slim’s “Ya Mama” for an hour until your legs give out from twerking.
Fergie - The Duchess
When I created a Myspace in 2006, I chose “Fergalicious” as my profile song. I stand by that choice because the song still holds up seven years later. It has everything you could want in a song: Spanish counting, will.i.am shouting, and a Fergie rap. Oh and there are some other songs on this album but who cares. Fergalicious forever! [Editor’s Note: Vincent begged me to let him write this review and then proceeded to steal this CD from my car without my knowledge.]
Paula Cole - This Fire
After the opening track of This Fire, I had some pretty disparaging things to say about Paula Cole. She sounded like some try-hard Alanis Morrisette/ Fiona Apple hack who had created an album as the result of having been accidentally locked in a recording studio for thirty days. But little did I know that the closing track to this album is none other than the Dawson’s Creek theme song, “I Don’t Want to Wait.” Needless to say, I immediately dropped to my knees and begged God for forgiveness.
Enrique Iglesias - Vivir
Having an album all in Spanish really spiced things up for this grab bag—if you know what I mean (I’m sorry). "is album comes a couple years before Iglesias let the rhythm take us over with “Bailamos,” but if you’re down for some inoffensive Latin pop and a booklet of emotive pictures featuring Enrique and his mole, you might want to consider picking this up for that lonely co-worker of yours with the gap-tooth.
US 3 - Hand on the Torch
Every track of this jazz/hip hop fusion album is funky, fresh, and sounds like something that would have been produced in 1993 by someone painfully hip. It’s easy listening in the most complementary way. Bruce Lundvall, the president of their label, Blue Note, writes that Hand on the Torch is the brain child of some of the “gonest cats” and “baddest rappers on the hip hop tip.” And from what it sounds like, he’s probably correct.
Pretty Ricky - Late Night Special
I really have to apologize to the guys from Pretty Ricky because before I listened to this album, I thought that Pretty Ricky was just one untalented rapper guy with a grill. But as it turns out, Pretty Ricky is a group of guys who can really belt out some smooth R&B hits—and only two of them have grills. It’s not really my cup of tea, but the song “Personal Trainer” contains the lyric “Work that muscle, muscle/ "at pussy muscle, muscle.” So there’s that.