No One In The Entire World Wants To Play Solitaire With Me
I had just finished microwaving my nightly half-Hot Pocket when I decided to spend Saturday night in a rousing game of internet solitaire. I put on some Marvin Gaye and settled down in front of my computer for a little seat boogie. I was waiting through four songs and an episode of Gray’s Anatomy, but nobody would accept my offer for a game. Even people in Rwanda have access to the internet but nobody there or anywhere else would play solitaire with me. Maybe next week I’ll try Go Fish. Talk about solitaire confinement!!! Kill me.
BREAKING: Local Youth Wears Pajamas Backwards
Local youths spotted youngster Stevie Belset with pajamas on backwards last Saturday. After being stolen, Stevie’s diary has released the following statement: “So don’t tell anybody, alright? Okay, so the other day I woke up thinking it was going to be a normal morning, but I looked down and realized I had slept the whole night with my PJs on backwards. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t believe it. My face was probably red as a fish. I mean no one saw me or anything, but it was still super embarrassing. I didn’t tell Mom either. She probably would have stuck clothes pins on my ears and squirted horseradish up my nostrils like she usually does when I do bad things.”