Union Weekly ASI - California State University, Long Beach

Skechers High Heel Shape-ups  have been making waves for a couple very different reasons. On one hand, their intuitive blend of footwear fashions helps make the wearer’s legs look long and slender, while at the same time finely toning their buttocks. On the other hand, they have been linked to growing health problems, including plantar fasciitis, foot bunions, degenerative spine, and buried at the bottom of this list for some reason, an unprecedented amount of deaths. I guess that’s kind of the big one. Because of the unwieldy nature of the shoes, deaths by falling are at an all-time high.  There have been recorded instances of wearers’ butts becoming too toned and exploding, and ankles being launched into wearers’ brains.

Bodies with exploded butts are beginning to pile up in Foot Lockers all around the world, spilling out into the streets, splashing blood on the faces of everyone passing by. “The blood is refreshing and all, but the death and disease is a little troubling,” one pedestrian said.

Wayne Gretzky and Joe Montana have distanced themselves as Skechers Shape-ups sponsors. Kim Kardashian, conversely, has tripled her sponsoring of the shoes, and a little like the Grinch’s heart, her butt, originally three sizes too big, has grown ten sizes larger. The shoes really do make absolutely anyone who wears them look pretty sexy, and debate has been raging as to what cost beauty is worth.

Debating the issue today, Editor-In-Chief of Fashion Rage magazine, Coco Denver, and some other guy:

CROSSPOINT COUNTER-POINT

Coco Denver: Skechers High Heeled Shape-ups have become the hottest and most talked about fashion trend today. And for good reason! These shoes are H-O-T, hot!

Other Guy: But people are dying all around us!

CD: You know what they say, “Bad publicity is good publicity.”

OG: No. Nobody says that.

CD: You have to admit, it beats going to the gym. Am I right? Drop the personal trainer and get these shoes!

OG: At most, Skechers high heeled shape-ups should be used sparingly.  I mean, sure, maybe beauty pageants and pornos should be filled with the sexiest ladies around.

CD: Wrong. The entire world should be sexy ladies.

OG: The entire world?

CD: Yes.