DRUNKSMARY & THYME
Last Updated on Friday, 10 May 2013 02:56
EDITORS GET DRUNK AND REVIEW BEST SHOW EVER: ROSEMARY & THYME
Intro by Connor O'Brien
Hey pals, since this is the last issue of the semester, I was given the power to choose which show our editors would review under the influence, and I decided on the crime drama Rosemary & Thyme. In true drunk review fashion, the reviews will be printed as is, no editing. Three editors writing about R&T. Here we go.
What the fuck am I watching Is this DowntonAbbey, no it can’t be not cant like Asian Eyes, but can’t. I’m writing this the OG way with a pen and paper. It’s harder. But no, this is similarly Bitish, but It’s not the Downton Abbe nope. What Rose I know exactly what’s happening. Why is rooms What There was a Murder apparently. I missed that.
Alright folks we’re starting the minute by minute here. I can’t believe Connor watches this shit. This Italian guy just said “Agetabiati’ and that’s not racist because Italians are stupid. Relly I can’t understand anything that’s going on in this show. I can’t imagine anyone under 60 years old watching this bullshit. That girl just said PUCCI. My wine. Like borat. How he says my wife. Everyone on this show talks funny and I don’t think it’s on purpose. I hate when British shows use the name “Basil” and say it like “Bah-sils” Can I get a what what. This lady is about to get conned. You can just tell. This show can’t trick me. I can tell by the music. The lady said “Prosec-yo” and I don’t know what that is. Sounds like Prcuitto. Prochootuo. Prochoootooo. Lunch meat, bitch. I really don’t know what the fuck this lady is doing. Probably about to dance around with a silk scarf like the big brassy woman that she is. A LADY IS DEAD. I had no idea that this was a crime show. I actually don’t know what this is. It’s like Sherlock holmes with lesbians? Is that offensive? I was just trying to be funny I’m sorry. I think this lady looks like pictures of my dead grandma. Now there’s a guy speaking Italian that looks like mr. bean’s handsome couson. I think these ladies live in a garden. Someone in the office said that someone is being sued but seriously this show is so hard to follow. Don’t watch it unless you’re like really into gypsy looking women. The lady said “patting her bottom”. Just so you know. And “Mahsterpiece” like a really rich lady who probably takes baths with fancy expensive salts and wears fox furs. Now this gypsy lady is seriously looking like teven tyler. One thing I don’t understand is how people think steven tyler is hot. I think those people have grandma fetishes. U should get back to this show. I’m really trying but I don’t now what they’re saying. I can’t follow dialogue right now. Really though – Connor shouldn’t watch this. I bet it makes him crave making quilts or sewing muumuus. “old dramamtic white pwomen” this lady had five hundred million different colored headscarves. “trouser trouble” is a funny sounding phrase. This guy has a cosby sweater. Indeed he is the white cosby. That sounds like a robot saying it. “INDEED HE IS THE WHITE COSBY” that’s stupid. Forget I said that. Edit this out. What is this, Mr. Magoo? Can we have a dance party? I can’t feel my legs. What the fuck. I need water. If you were looking for a review you’re in the wron place my friend. This lady is from Jusrrasic Park. She’s like one of those velorcerapotors. I’m just truly entranced by this lady, I need to know her name. Sje ;ppls ;ole like a dragon lady. Did I even listen to a single sentence of dialgoie? This guy is like that guy from the iron lady. I didn’t like the iron lady that movie is fucking shitty as fuck don’t watch it. Merryl streep is really good though. I mean she’s good in anything. But not that movie. Don’t watch it. It’s a waste of time.
The people who made that movie don’t even care about people or Margret thatcher or anything. And now she’s dead. Okay back to the show. We have more alcohol. .I’m trying to write about this show, fuckers. This guy is always wearing jackets and now putting his arms in the jackets. Is he too good for sleeves? Everyone just drapes sweaters over their shoulders and doesn’t just wear the fucking sweaters. She can suck a dick. Okay. Giving this show a changce. Listening. The music is like downton abbey. I know people like that. All my Maggie smith fans raise their hands in the air .this old woman is just putting a cat now. I’m going to absorb an entire sentence and type it “how many cats have you got?” that just about sums up the show. Cause these women are hags. Maybe they’ll die. I don’t know. Idk for short. Now it’s getting good cause they got lemonade. I thin kthey got this Italian guy on this show because they think he would be attractive for female viewersbut he just looks like a math teacher and speaks itlian. So way to go, rosemary and thyme. You suck. They used the same song like five million times. I just checked and this show is only halways over. Okay Basil is the only name I recognize. Throwthese old ladies ff a building. EVERYONES NAMES ARE SPICES I JUST REALIZED THAT. Well, herbs. I dk . Dramatic music . cut to the ocean I should be a tv announcer. This is really hard to type so I’m going to push fodnw really hard on the keys. I’m a stable individual . THERE”S A DEAD GY IN A BOAT. Does anyone know if that guy is really dead. No one is anyswering me. I keep yelling . rude. Everyone that is an official wears hazmat suits. So if that offends you stay away. No one is going to read ithis.
What the fuck is this Kevin Costner music. The intro looks like a fucking New Order album. Along with this bootleg Italian shit. I remember watching Tim the tool man Taylor. Fucking Gypsies… Shits a waste of time. Typographic garden and shit. Rose shut up… So Conner put it on this Thelma and Louis rip off mixied with sex and the city. Fake as bitch ass Italian accent. Have you ever seen Biodome well this is pretyy much that shit in a nut shell. Why do people even watch useless bullshit TV. Some sort of weird escape from their anti fuckable life. Well madam ill tell ya. We will look at the grotto an make sure the Mormon missionaries are set. Make sure they receive the olive gelato. Pretentious. Bagno please. I need the bagno. Donatello, Michalangelo, Leonardo, Di Vinci. Bonatali. Boleli, take his class nad listen to his podcast. Italian god. You better read this. Fabrizio pancho, de alota de amano. Pizza ria de tortalini. Manga de raza zi polietzi. De Amo. Mi Amor! Zan Ziapani de arocho van sanda. Erazante mi panje poletzi. Handia pangi mi te rando. Motive de ferari y ni panjata. Mezantanti de jelisisio beranche. Zentatzi bor fin a mani. Slavinsanto de futbol gelato y parrizi. Pope de manga tutzi.
So in conclusion, I hope the sad soul that waisted their last 45 minutes of their life like me watching this estatic film of all films. This is now a Hitler mystery show. Hitler is quite a crazy personality. Although he is known as a loca he is still, Restorante De emma. All of these typographic choloas be making shit all wrong. A dramatic escape for a 50 year old worman seems to be. Englasi Enrique de englasia is a glasi. Dove Chocolates. Gerabali de gratizi aribaderchi ariba. De dontatella nudeste modela. Girabalid mi amor de antze de rocha. 368 watch your self/. There are no attractive women in tis show. $ for bere. eUV here and now. Making old omen shovel shit is fantastic. SO attractive fuck the gypsy bitch. Fucking Romanian poon. No more headbands. That doesn’t mean you can read my mind or take my money. If Trying to look all important. And Futuristic. Borat gypsiy. Always begging form oney and dick. Why is that even a fashion. Jut put some clothes that fit and don’t dangle like fantangle. I NY. Gypsy bitches always be instigating shit. Eithermoney or drama. The ho be on tv. Anyone remember sexual chocolate the WWF wrestler. Ready for the ho train or D generation X. Suck it bitch. Classy childhood charecters sorta lke Arnold swart zi negga in jingle all the way or true lies or commando (my fav) either or, just take some wieder protein and get swoleness. UAV Fuck themla a Louis. I watched it hung over before some bitchmade me watch it. Worst shit ever, Id rather thwow up that look ta that horrible cinema,. Maritzio pizaria. Lunchable pizza worst thing to ever reat. Bagged pizza sauxe what the fuck is Obama thinking. Samew with tavo bell lunch able. Bagged taco sauce sounds like jesus packed in a little suculed bag wrapped in goodness and savour saintly ness. Spirit of santé. 593 Look TR THE SHORE/ SO BUTEFUL. I DON’T FIND ANY BEAUTY IN THAT. ONLY fabrizio chingaputa chang0 . Prastonio policio. Gratzi. Who has HW to do? Don giovianni de rancido el poncato e ham sandwich. Jaomon. Gypsy is back again rocking a bit different head band, A sfifferent shad eof orancege . same with the mid adge bitch with the pink shiet all cute and shit. I hope you dotturn out like that. Im talking to all you superficial sorority tail.alpha omega jango. Flip it./ 679 Btich ant one. Jump bitch this show would get a; seazuy if you jamyped. Instead of just being a mid age mid. Old man is dead. Fake ass people taking shots of Fuck vince. Asshole. Nevermind hes nice I think. Lets see if he brings a thing of gelatio deo nalto. Mo