Union Weekly ASI - California State University, Long Beach

an individual so out of touch with technology, they do not understand the concept of a podcast

(Ex: Me: Grandma, I’m starting a podcast.

G-ma: That sounds nice. What’s a podcast?

Me: Well, it’s like a radio show you record and then put on the Internet for other people to stream or download.

G-ma: Oh honey, please stop talking, you’re hurting grandma. I feel so cold…so cold.)

GIF MOMENT:

an occurence that is so ridiculous, a gif demands to be made of it

(Ex: Anything Britney did in 2007 or Gary Busey has ever done.)

SILENCING THE CYBER-LAMBS:

the moment you overcome the fear of meeting an Internet friend/suitor in real life, specifically the fear that they might skin you and turn you into a human body suit or throw pillow set

(Ex: After skyping with Henry, I feel way more comfortable going to his house to meet his mother who is definitely not just him in a wig.)

ZUCKERBURN:

1. the burning shame that accompanies the realization that Mark Zuckerburg was more successful at 22 than you’ll ever be in your life

2. to screw your best and only friend out of billions of dollars just because he got punched by the Phoenix and you didn’t, to behave in a petty fashion

(Ex: Eduardo Saverin was the first person to ever be Zuckerburned.)

INCELLATION:

the phenomena in which, upon leaving class, every human checks their cellular phone and begins texting and/or sexting others

(Ex: Hey babe, just got outta Chem. Wanna blow me?)

TERRORENT:

the heart-stopping fear that the police are at your door for torrenting (using a torrent to illegally download media)

(Ex: Every time I torrent, I keep my samurai sword next to my desk just in case the cops come, and I have to immediately commit hari-kari.)

TWAT:

a person who uses Twitter to spout racist, sexist, homophobic, or just plain hateful speech

(Ex: All the “Rue from The Hunger Games shouldn’t have been black” crowd, those were some colossal twats.)

TUMBLRGUT:

the sick feeling one experiences after scrolling through 50+ Tumblr pages

(Ex: I just consumed 17 interviews, 73 gifs, and 206 pictures of Michael Fassbender.  I must push through this tumblrglut or else I’ll never know what’s on the next page/be truly happy.)

SEASONAL DEPRESSION:

the sadness induced by the lack of time or energy necessary to complete a full season of a television series

(Ex: I was on Netflix, finally ready to dive into Breaking Bad when I got a call from my mom telling me Nana had fallen in the shower and was in a coma. That just bummed me out so much, I decided to watch three episodes and call it a night.)

REACHING THE STATUSPHERE:

the point at which your friends no longer care about your status updates due to their frequency and inanity

(Ex: Ugh, have you seen Ashley’s latest Facebook status: “I totes just barfed in my purrrse!!!!!!”? That bitch has officially reached the statusphere.)

GIBBERANT:

a charmingly ungrammatical, misspelled comment, usually nonsensical in nature

(Ex: Here is an excerpt from a YouTube comment on Whitney Houston’s  “How Will I Know” music video: “she came back after all the jears she sing again but only for god and showing the world how to love others and remember satan don’t want use to love others he wants us to fight and kill that’s why they kill whitney she gave love”)